Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Randomize
