My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
