...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
