I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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