I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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