i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
