I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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