Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
