if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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