I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
