I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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