At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
