Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
