I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
