Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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