his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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