I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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