You can't motorboat a personality
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
