hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
