but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i love accidental penises.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
nutella sex= disaster
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
