I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
