My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
