I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
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