I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
pray to the hookup gods
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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