isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
