8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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