so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he thought i was a dude.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
