My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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