Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
