i think my mom watched the whole time
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
