is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
