ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
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