I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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