While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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