It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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