you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
