And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
