can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
