TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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