hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
