Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
