id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
