he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
