is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
