I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
