she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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