I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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