Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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