im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
