the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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