Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
