9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
