i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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